Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
