Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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