we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize