HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
