you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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