you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
