I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
