Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
