I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
