She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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