allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
