when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize