Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
