i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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