Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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