You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
