Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
