Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
