Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
