walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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