ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize