you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
