Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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