What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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