I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
