..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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