I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
