i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
