There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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