He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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