Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
