my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
