We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize