I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize