Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
