woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
