I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
