8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
whose parrot is this?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
