well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
