she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize