He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she smelled like a LAN party
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize