well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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