she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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