I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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