nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
