He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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