Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
