I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
