3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
