That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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