You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
