Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
