i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
