Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
