big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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