This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
