Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
