We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
