Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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