we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm always down for nudity.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
