hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
