If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
