hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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