Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
