i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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