You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize