I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
