I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
